I don’t claim to be a relationship expert. Those of you that know Kim and I personally, know that I have pissed her off from time to time over the last 22 years. But I really have gotten better at not doing that. Most of what I’m writing today is insight and my thoughts, from a piece I read from one of my favorite authors, Regi Campbell.
Over my forty-year career, my company hired consultants many times in an effort to help us improve efficiency and productivity. Some of this information has stuck with me for years. Here is the one thing that all of them had in common. All companies are in one of 4 modes. Growth Mode, Over Confidant Mode, Even Keel Mode, or Trouble Mode.
I think this same principle describes marriages as well. Mine has been at all four at one time or another. Most long-time married couples have. Let’s break it down, keeping in mind that I am writing from a man’s point of view. But I think you ladies will appreciate it as well.
Growth Mode, this one is obvious and amazing. You are on the same page. You don’t compete, or confront, or conflict; you collaborate. No one takes things personally. The bedroom is full of love often and effortlessly. It’s pure bliss.
Over Confidant Mode means you’re taking things for granted. You’re assuming things about your marriage, your spouse and yourself, that may or may not be true.
Even-keel Mode is just that. “it’s not great, but it’s not broke,” you might say. Sometimes what feels like Even-keeled to you seems like boredom to your spouse.
If you are already in Trouble Mode, it feels like your marriage is, in effect, over. Every marriage gets lost somewhere along the way. Billy Graham’s wife was asked if she ever considered divorce. She said, “No, but I have considered murder.”
These modes are just guesses about where your marriage might be. Maybe none of these describe where you are. There are probably a thousand words for you to choose to, “One Word” your marriage.
The important thing is to pick a word. Then go sit down with your spouse and ask them to pick a word. You’ll learn something, maybe a lot. Hopefully, you will learn where you really are, and that is the first step if you are going to work on your marriage versus just living with your marriage.
Find time this week to find your, “One Word” and have a conversation with your spouse. It may just change the mode you are in.
Check back next week for part 2, Taking Responsibility For Where You Are.
Have an amazing week!